I'm pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown today. Like, a real honest-to-goodness old-fashioned nervous breakdown.
I have never experienced such a thing.
I was stressed out from my week in general and then my mom informs me that my great uncle passed away this morning and then I find out that I'm apparently not highly qualified enough to teach anyone over the age of 15 for more than 5 days in a row.
I also had this crazy weird attachment thing going on with the classes I'd been covering and then to top it all off, I felt like every faculty member in the world knew what was going on except for me while I'm reading along in the text and planning activities for the next two weeks and generally making a fool of myself (and not of my own accord).
So, long story short, I am no longer filling in for the government class in which I had been subbing for three weeks because they're obligated to find someone better to do it.

I called George on my drive home to tell him I wouldn't be doing the job I thought I would have and I just started to tear up. I somehow managed to make it home where I was greeted at the door by the Zoecat who I picked up and sobbed into. I then begin stewing over the fact that even though I have had to take and pass the exact same Praxis as a teacher who is considered highly qualified, I'm apparently only good enough when it's most convenient.
Now I'm angry and I storm up the steps and then it flashes through my mind, wait... your uncle died today and I just start welling up with tears again. I finally stumble to my room and crawl into bed feeling dejected and sad and angry and I just kept crying and crying. I'm angry at the way things were handled and I feel like information was withheld from me to keep me where I was until administration could find someone to replace me and I'm freaking out from the cryptic message to call personnel and ohmygod I've made a connection with so many of these students and my uncle died and I'm sad and angry and confused and frustrated and I just have too many emotions going through my head and I have to go work at Malley's and I got one of my students a job because I connected with her but no, she's not my student anymore because I'm not good enough to do the job I've been doing for three weeks even though it's been stressing me out and I didn't think I could handle it and the student teacher is expecting me back and Tom was going to find some of his lesson plans from student teaching for me and I was excited for next week! and ohmygod I'm crying again and I just don't know how to handle my brain right now.

This is all going through my head in one big jumble while I'm curled up crying and even now just typing about it I'm crying again. I really have no idea what's going on.
So I drag myself out of bed and try to make myself some dinner before I go to work without losing it again. Zoe must have known something was wrong with me because she promptly began rubbing against my ankles and purring but I had to go to work anyways; blood-shot eyes, dark circles and all.
At work I begin to feel like I'm manic-depressive or something, going from giggling with my co-workers to nearly bursting into tears without the slightest prodding. And a student came in - an ex, that is... And a teacher came in and I wonder if he knew and just didn't mention it in hopes of keeping from upsetting me and making me not want to come back again but really it just feels like a knife in my back... but he probably didn't even know at all anyways.
But I got through the night.
And then I came home and talked to my parents about it and admit that I'd cried and then I start tearing up again. It's even had to brush my teeth because I feel like I'm going to sob any second and jeez what am I so upset about anyways... just yesterday I couldn't wait to be out of there but I feel so rejected.
And here I am; crying and lonely and hurt and confused and I don't even understand why and I just keep picturing these kids saying things like, "you should be our teacher all the time" and telling me to have a nice weekend and, "see you Monday" and wondering why people have to get old and sick and suffer and die and I only thought I was going to be there for two days and then it turned into this. I didn't say goodbye.
I didn't even say goodbye.

Needless to say, I think I may take a mental health break on Monday.